As much as you love your friends, occasionally you’re going to have some beef. One of the biggest sources of beef is girlfriends/wives. The reason it’s such an issue? You can’t do anything about it unless you’re willing to ruin the friendship. I guess the rule of thumb is that you can only raise your objection when it’s not a serious relationship. After it crosses that imaginary line you just have to shut your mouth, sit back, and hope for the best - unless, of course, you have another idea.
Our buddy Al started dating this girl in high school and I’d say that it was some what serious by high school standards. To be honest, I never had much interaction with her so it wasn’t any kind of issue for me. However, our other buddy Dave just really didn’t like this girl (could have been because they dated briefly). We tried to keep the two apart, and that was generally successful, however, there were times at parties or hanging out where we’d be drinking and the tension got a bit uncomfortable.
I guess this tension built for a few months until it came to a boil. I’m not sure if there was a catalyst, but it reached a breaking point on one faithful night. This girl really liked wine coolers – if you don’t remember wine coolers, they were big for a few years in the mid 80’s (Bartels and James and Calvin Coolers were two popular brands) especially with girls. So whenever we had a party we had to make sure someone got wine coolers for this girl. Anyway, that night Dave decided to empty the contents of one of the bottles and piss in it. He did a good job replacing the cap and once it was back in the fridge it was tough to tell on sight that any foul play was afoot. Well, the night continued and eventually we got to the fateful moment when this girl picked the wrong bottle. (Editor’s note – this is how I think it happened, but my memory could be totally off) I think she knew what was up immediately and ran out of the room crying. Al went after her and I can only assume that she told Al what she suspected. Al came back and was pretty pissed off, but Dave held his ground. It’s a tough position to be in, we had all been friends since the 6th grade, so by the time the end of high school came around you had to think that your buddy would side with his friends over a girl. But it’s never an easy position to be in.
They yelled at each other for a few minutes and eventually Dave just decided to leave to defuse the situation. Or so we thought…Dave is a great friend, but a terrible enemy. The night went on (uncomfortably) and at some point we all left and thought that was the end of it. You see, something else happened that night, something that wasn’t fully reveled until the next day. Dave didn’t just leave, he prepared for surgery. Al’s driveway was long and angled down out of site from everything. This girl had an old Chrysler convertible, if you remember many Dodge/Chryslers back then had these covered door handles – the kind you’d reach your fingers under and pull up on the handle to open. Somehow, somewhere Dave found rubber gloves and a spackle knife. He then proceeded to take a shit on the ground and go to work. He molded the shit perfectly under the driver’s side door handle as if he were Michael Angelo working with clay. By the time he was done it was undetectable.
The next morning came and as the girl left to go home she undoubtedly got a handful when she reached to open her car door. I don’t remember much fallout from that episode; the damage had already been done. Eventually Al and this girl broke up, so any tension faded. That is until a few years later and another “episode”...
No comments:
Post a Comment